A dream

Never give up your dream. You probably heard it before. Never give up your dream no matter what. And no matter what you have to sacrifice? How much is a dream worth? And once you started working on to fulfil your dream, can you change your mind? Give up the dream and start on a new one?
People change because life is so unpredictable, and the dream you had for so many years may not seem so important any longer.

This is my blog and i should be talking about my self. And i do, partly. After being on this earth for half a century im not sure what the purpose are with my life, what am i supposed to do here. What’s the meaning of all this?

I have lived for so long and im still looking for an explanation for why it all started as it did. Why i still suffer from wounds i got so long ago.
Many of the things i done in my life, i did to survive. Not physically, i live in the western world with no war and free speech. But to survive mentally and emotionally. To have been seen, accepted, respected. To be able to live a normal life and hide the constant fear for loss and separation, and sometimes feel true joy and passion.

It all started in a circus in Sweden a long time ago, nine month later i saw the light for the first time. 8 month later it was time to be separated for the first time. Two month later, after being in a home for small children, i got a new family. I was adopted at the age of 11 month.
13 years later i met my birth mother for the first time. At the same time i saw my two siblings for the first time. 35 years after that meeting i met my other sister for the first time.

My dream started a long time ago. I actually wrote down some sentences about how i wanted my life to look like when i grow up. I dont remember them all – i still got the list – but a few of them are very clear to me. I wanted to have a house, a family and be loved. And then i wanted to feel inner peace. I was about ten years old when i wrote the list. I’ve got a house, i have a family that loves me. I still searching for inner peace.

Someone wise told me i had to go back in time in a therapeutic session to be able to understand. And when i understand i can start forgiving. And then start my healing. And i will. Some day. As soon as i gathered enough courage.

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